I don’t know why but for the last few months I have been sad. Not outwardly sad, nobody would ever notice unless I say something which I don’t except to a few people. And I really don’t understand why I am. I feel like little things will make me unnecessarily mopey and I cry almost every day. I’ve had mental breakdowns at least twice a week since school started, sometimes to the point where I throw up from crying so hard. I really don’t get why, I’ve never been a sad person I just can’t control it.
I have problems in my life but they are so insignificant compared to others, I have nothing to complain about. My parents are separated but we all still love in the same house so that’s a nightmare but everybody has family issues. I’m stressed about school and college but so is every other 17 year old in the country. I feel like my mom hates me but who doesn’t?
Also I have great friends, a caring boyfriend, and overall awesome people I surround myself with. And yet I find myself inexplicably unhappy. So far I’ve written 21 college essays because I’m majoring in film and there are ridiculous apps and because of that stress I didn’t even enjoy being in a show, which is ridiculous because I love theater and I was a lead and I didn’t even care. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I don’t know how to turn this off.
Plus, I have never been a jealous person, but when I found out this chick was excessively texting and snapchatting my boyfriend I got so upset and asked him not to answer. Plus I resorted to passive aggressive bullshit towards her and I am so ashamed. I have always been comfortable with myself and body but not lately. I don’t get it.
I’ve always been such a happy and optimistic person. Now I’m just an over stressed passive aggressive bitch that cries all the time and can’t sleep even though my life is just the epitome of white girl problems (that may be a hyperbole). I know I will be fine. I always am. I just need to figure out why I feel this way, but it is so difficult.